onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
