I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You are a genius and a whore.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
