Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
