I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
