There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize