She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
