I'm gonna have a badass scar
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
