why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
