Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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