Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
