And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
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If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
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He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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