My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
