i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
love makes seman taste better
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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