I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
