one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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