No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
My life is pants optional.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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