your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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