the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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