Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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