Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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