Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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