I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
