Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
