Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
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Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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