Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
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