ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
