I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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