In the future we'll all be gay
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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