Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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