As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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