So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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