Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.