It's like God shit irony all over that family
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.