Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
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I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
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Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.