yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week