its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
We need a shit load of segways right now
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
