I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
