I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize