If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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