she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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