Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
