I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He better not be in your backpack
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
