i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Is Oprah even human
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
