just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
