Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Randomize
