I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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