Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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