I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just forgot I was standing up.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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