A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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