allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Randomize
