Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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