i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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