Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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