The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
