if you like me you must not know who I am
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
