And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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