Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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