His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
