He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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