Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Is Oprah even human
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
