the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
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