I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
