I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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